Overall, I had a nice week. It was fairly benign, yet interesting enough to keep me un-bored. Nothing is worse than bored Officers. Just ask any Officer on the receiving end of a bored Officer joke.

I was the control room officer on Saturday. It was about noon, when I got a call from a woman. I can’t remember her name, but for the sake of this post, I’ll call her Maggie.

The phone rang, and I picked it up:

ME: Cowlitz County Jail. Officer Treichel. How can I help you?

MAGGIE: Hi there, I’m Maggie Smith, and I heard my son was picked up a couple days ago, and was just wondering what his charges were.

ME: Hold on a second, and I’ll look them up for you.

I got on the computer to look at his charges.

Aw jeesh! They were all sex charges. Worse yet, they were all felony child sex charges.

I could tell by the tone of the mother, that she didn’t think the charges could be serious ones. She probably thought he was brought in on a DWI, or an MIP, not something like this. I was going to have to be the one who let her know that her little boy was accused of horrible things. I took a deep breath…

ME: Maggie, I am showing that your son is here on $50,000 bail.

MAGGIE: Wow, what did he do!? That sounds like a lot.

ME: That is quite a lot. Ok, here are his charges. (I take a breath, and try to sound as professional as possible.) He is currently being held on charges of Child Molestation 2nd degree..

MAGGIE: (cough)

ME: ..Child Pornography..

MAGGIE: (holding back tears) no

ME:..Sexual Exploitation 1st degree ..

MAGGIE: (audible crying)

ME:.. and Communication With Minor For Immoral Purposes.

MAGGIE: (she sobs) Oh no.  Oh my god. Why? How could he think that is ok? What do those charges mean? Oh my god.

ME: I’m so sorry.

I know that my job isn’t easy at times, but truthfully, this phone call was probably the hardest thing I have had to do so far. I just told a mother that her son was an alleged sexual predator. It was horrible.

I tried to explain what I knew, which was very little, and pointed her to the local law enforcement agency that brought him to jail. The most we usually know about someone’s charges is what we see on our computer screens; no narrative, or story to go with it, so my information was limited.

Maggie asked me how he could think that this kind of thing was ok. I tried to explain that these types of charges typically bring a lot of shame to the offender. There is a good chance that he didn’t think it was ok, but maybe got caught up in something that he lost control of. It was an attempt at some sort of explanation. I’m sure it fell short of the mark.

She wondered what it was that she did to cause him to do these things. I tried to tell her that at some point her son had to be responsible for his own actions. She can’t take responsibility for his actions. (By the way, I’ve been told that would be called co-dependent behavior.)

She said that he was such a good boy, and that he was taught better than that. I can only go off of my brief conversation, but I got the impression that she was a “good” mother, and that this wasn’t a result of obvious family issues. (I guess I could be wrong though) I told her that my philosophy is to do the best I can until I no longer have a voice in my children’s lives, and then let them loose to make their own mistakes, hoping that I instilled the right combination of values. She sobbed, and sobbed. How could I even begin to understand what she was going through?

To make matters worse for her, she was calling from a different state. I can’t readily remember where she was from, but I do remember thinking that she probably wasn’t going to be able to visit her son anytime soon.

At the close of the conversation I asked her if she had someone she could go and talk to about this. She was distraught, and probably needed to talk a little more than I was prepared to listen. I did still have my actual job to do. She said she did.

As I started indicating I was going to need to go, Maggie thanked me profusely for my information and sensitivity. It made me feel good, but not good enough to forget I just told a mother the worst news she had probably ever heard in her life to date.

MAGGIE: Thank you so much for being so nice. I really appreciate it. You have been so patient. I am so sorry for you having to deal with me.

ME: Maggie, I am so sorry. I can only imagine what you are feeling. It was a pleasure talking to you, and you are no problem at all. Call again if you have any questions.

Yes, she was difficult to deal with. Not for the reason she was eluding to, but because I absolutely hated having to tell someone such horrible news. She did call back later and asked about visitation. Maybe she was going to visit after all. She thanked me again for our previous conversation. I still felt horrible.